I’m busy

Posted on October 8, 2012 by Erika

That’s why I’m not blogging much.

That’s why I’m not cooking much.

That’s why I’m not sleeping much.

That’s why I’m not taking family pictures much.

That’s why I’m not reading much.*

That’s why I’m not talking on the phone much.

That’s why I’m not washing my hair much.**

That’s why I’m not grocery shopping much.

It’s really getting in the way of my goal to be as lazy as possible.

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An outtake from pictures with my mom (she visited recently) at the park.

*These things are, of course, relative! I just finished Captive in the Dark and Seduced in the Dark, and will have reviews this week.

** I found this awesome dry shampoo at Whole Foods Market and I use it regularly. This allows me to be even more lazy than usual — I only have to wash my hair twice a week now!

Filed under: Daily Life | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

One Woman Having it All

Posted on June 25, 2012 by Erika

And by ALL, I mean, ALL the laundry in the free world. All of the weird food issues that combine into mom makng multiple lunches AND dinners each night. Yeah, yeah, I know I’m not supposed to make multiple meals. I’m supposed to make one meal and to heck with those who don’t want to eat it. But… no. One of my kids is gluten-free, I am decidedly NOT gluten-free, sometimes I feel like something that nobody else wants to eat, and My Chemical Romance likes fish. Plus I rarely do the dishes; that is a chore that falls squarely into the realm of ANYONE BUT MOM. So it’s almost easier to make 12 itty-bitty meals than one giant meal that only I will eat.

This might work. Minus the ‘shrooms. (Flickr: *Florian)

An old friend — like, a friend from elementary school — posted a facebook link to an article about Women Having it All (Or Not) from Atlantic magazine. Which, in case you’ve never read an article by Atlantic, requires an investment of approximately four hours to read, because it has so many words. And also, lots of huge words. This particular article explored exactly HOW women have it all (or don’t). The answer is, they really don’t.

Mostly because****

  • As much as society claims to value families, corporations really want worker bees. And you can’t be an effective worker-bee if you have priorities other than your job.
  • Taking time off for maternity leave, or leave because of a child’s health issue (or any issue relating to children), derails a woman’s ascent in the corporate world (because of the above bullet point).
  • Apparently the option to go back to work/school after your children grow up only exists on television, for example, Alicia Florrick on The Good Wife (and she’s pretty dubious, ethically speaking, amirite?!?!?)
  • A “good” work situation is one in which a woman is able to be home with her children between the hours of 6pm-8pm.
  • There is no good time to have a baby. When you’re younger, you don’t have the resources (financially) to have a baby, and also you might have a horrible partner, since choosing a life-partner at a young age is always a bad plan. If you wait til you’re older and have more money and a better life partner, the younger women — or the men of various ages — will steal your job while you’re gone, and you’ll have to start back at the beginning.
  • Caring for a family is not seen as ambitious or meaningful.

Wow, that’s just a suck.

It sucks. (Flickr: Ken Lund)

*** The author mentions that she is speaking about, and to, upper middle class, educated women (and above). I have no idea what In-N-Out Burger’s policy is about families, officially or unofficially.***

Even though I’m a professional stay-at-home mom, this article disturbs me. Being a stay-at-home-mom is a crapshoot; I am entirely dependent, financially, on My Chemical Romance and his job. When he was downsized and out of work, we had serious problems. When his company started having financial difficulties, we ended up moving to Arizona, which was the first step in leaving San Diego, and all of My Chemical Romance’s family. And of course we loved Charlotte, but had to move to Raleigh because he thought his company was going to restructure. I support him, but what happens to our family — and, practically speaking, WHERE WE LIVE — is totally out of my control.

I was hoping that my working sisters had it better. Seems like they do not. For as much as I can keep track of what’s happening in my own family, pay attention to the emotional currents, keep tabs on who is doing what and when, working moms seem to miss that. They may have the financial independence, they may have the ability to converse with other adult human beings, they are in control of where they live, but they are missing their children.

(Flickr: edenpictures)

The article in Atlantic continues with what HAS TO CHANGE in order for women to have it all. School hours have to unite with work hours so parents don’t miss too much. Equal opportunities — not just for women, but for everyone! — for leaving work, or having flex-time. Weekends away from work, under all circumstances.

I do not think women can have it all. I think women just have to accept what they have/don’t have, and make the best of it for their families and themselves.

Filed under: attachment parenting, Daily Life, Pop Culture, Reading | Tagged: , , , , | 6 Comments »

Mom Avoids Reading

Posted on June 18, 2012 by Erika

Once I asked my friend Sin-D if she read books. This is a totally legitimate question. Some people do not read books — in fact, Miss Manners’ brother-in-law, who is one of the smartest people she knows, rarely reads books, according to Miss Manners’ sister. My friend Sin-D said she did not, because she gets too engrossed in them and can’t be a good mother when she’s stayed up all night reading Twilight 50 Shades of Grey On the Island. I totally get that — I just don’t care about being a good mother!

In all seriousness, other than a few bright shining books, I have not been reading as much as I normally do. The biggest problem is not the fact that I have kids (and therefore no time to read) but avoiding reading about other peoples’ kids.

Yes. YES. It’s the same reason I don’t watch Nanny 911 or a Baby Story — or Clean Sweep — I live that life every day. I don’t need to see it on television. Or read about it.

My life. Minus the food fights.

Nor do I want to read about grieving parents, sick kids, bad marriages, or anything that might fill me with torment. You know?

This doesn’t typically inspire a lot of guilt, except when I have a bunch of books I SHOULD read. Like, the ADHD books that Mineral’s therapist recommended. Like, the John Holt books I picked up at a homeschool curriculum fair. Like, the book that my online friend Kenna Lee sent me, which I’ve read a chapter or two of, called A Million Tiny Things. It’s awesome — Kenna is SUCH a gifted writer, she really makes the mundane very interesting and she makes being “crunchy” very accessible to everyone. But I just can’t read it right now.

I’m just too busy. Ha.

Kenna sent it to me after reading something I’d written for a Carnival of Natural Parenting a few months ago, and I was so flattered because she said she LOVED MY WRITING. Squee! Duh. She asked if I’d read it and write about it. Bien sur! And meanwhile, it’s been sitting next to my bed, staring at me for the last two months. Finally I emailed her and explained that while I loved the 30 or 40 pages I’d read, I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind to read it. I had a feeling Kenna would get it. And she did. She wrote back explaining that it sounds like I’m simply experiencing the Pre-Perimenopause of My Discontent (TM). (Actually she said it sounded like the Perimenopause of My Discontent [TM] but I’m obviously way too young for that!) And she said DO NOT READ IT.

You would think, in some reverse psychological way, this would inspire me to read it but no. Still sitting by my bed. Next to The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, How to Win Friends and Influence People, and Caleb’s Crossing.

Mineral reads for me.

I am still reading for book clubs — I’ve decided that I actually like Yuppies with Puppies! — but other than that, I’m waiting for a wave of inspiration before I continue reading words on paper (or e-devices). However, please leave me some recommendations if you’ve read something amazing that I’ll enjoy!

Filed under: Daily Life, Reading | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

What Happens When I Blog

Posted on June 3, 2012 by Erika

or, waste time on Facebook or troll around Amazon or catch up on my online gossip while Cousin It is awake:

She’s kind of a Yeti. She just got out of a bath and that’s whole-milk Greek yogurt (YUM!) all over her face. Also, can you see why I call her Cousin It?

However, if I bring out a car seat while I’m on the computer, I get at least 30 minutes free while she does this:

Perhaps she needs more actual toys and not just mommy’s expensive food and toys.

Filed under: attachment parenting, Daily Life | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

It’s 7:00AM and I’m Awake

Posted on May 30, 2012 by Erika

This is not typical for me. In fact, I don’t know why I got up and out of bed so early except that I like to be unpredictable — it keeps my family on their toes.

I brought the baby downstairs at 7:00AM and immediately My Chemical Romance asked what was wrong. I told him my boyfriend is coming over at 7:30, so I needed to get ready.

The Informant and My Masterpiece got up and yelled HI downstairs to daddy. Then they must have gone into our room where I’m usually lying with my eyes squeezed determinedly shut, trying to eke out another 20 minutes of sleep while Cousin It plays on my iPad — I’ve found that the iPad is safer than letting her play with my phone and calling everyone I know at 7:00AM (or really, just Miss Manners or Mary F. Poppins. She loves to call them.)**** Then The Informant cried, “Dad?!?!? Mom’s not here!!!!”

Downstairs, I fed a banana to Cousin It. My Chemical Romance beamed and said, “Look at her. She’s so cheerful in the morning.”

He was not talking about me.

I think the difference is that every day the baby wakes up to a world that is full of wonder and promise. And when the wonder and promise is that of  WHEN I’m going to change a possibly explosive diaper and how many chapters we’ll get through in Life of Fred and how long I’ll be on hold when I call our insurance company to get an explanation of benefits from my most recent visit to the Assropractor, I just don’t get to her level of excitement. Seriously, this kid goes nuts when she sees a BALLOON; my jaded adult-ness just can’t compete with that.

What I can get excited about this morning is making chicken salad. Because this is what I do: I find a food I love, I make it (badly) and then I recreate it until I get it right. As of right now I have a horribly-prepared chicken salad in my fridge that I’m probably going to toss because it tastes completely wrong. (And yet I tried to fix it. I actually pulled it apart, re-chopped the celery and grapes, added some more spices and it STILL tastes bad. The dog will probably enjoy it.)

Chicken Salad Sandwich by Lara604 (Flickr)

Does anyone else do this? I can’t the only one who is lured out of bed in the morning by the promise of Duke’s Mayonaise and some Tarragon spice. And finely chopped celery!

****Yes of course my phone has a passcode on it. If I don’t unlock it, she ends up locking me out for progressively longer each time. So I unlock it and put it on airplane mode. Also, I have the phone icon — and text icon — buried in a folder. SHE FINDS IT. Then she starts dialing people, and the iPhone, like an idiot, asks if she wants to turn it off airplane mode so she can call people. She touches OKAY and starts calling Mary F. Poppins. Who lives on the West Coast, in the Pacific Time Zone. At 7:00AM EST.***

Sorry, MFP. You’re sleeping and I’m totally envious.

Filed under: Daily Life, family, food, friends | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Mom is not a Homemaker

Posted on April 14, 2012 by Erika

It’s almost tax time, and yet another year passes in which I “don’t work,” or, oddly enough, work as a “homemaker.” The word homemaker, to me, conjures images of a mom wearing a red checkered gingham apron. That image reminds me of a picnic basket, and then I wander off in search of some leftover food my kids didn’t finish at lunch because I’m suddenly hungry.

Really it’s my kids who are homemakers. The Informant especially — she draws pictures and tapes them to the walls. I sleep under this

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There are pictures all over the walls in her room too.

The kids also make the home because of all their STUFF. One would assume from the contents of our home that there are definitely a bunch of kids; whether or not there’s a mom is questionable. Wouldn’t the house be more clean if there were a mom around?

Since having surgery I’m supposed to be entirely indisposed, although I might make an appearance downstairs when I get bored of my room. From this vantage point, I can see what I actually do as a mom: a little of everything. Thus My Chemical Romance is having a hard time filling in for me. When I say, “take the kids to Costco to pick up Cheerios,” I actually mean, “make sure the diaper bag has a clean diaper in it, and that My Masterpiece’s shoes fit. Remind the boys to brush their teeth and wear weather-appropriate clothes. Get another package or eight of butt wipes, and buy the kids a hot dog after shopping — but only if the samples were gross and they’re still hungry. Check if the Costco gas is cheaper than the station near our house and maybe top off my gas tank. While you’re on that side of town, stop by the car alarm place to find out about resetting your button settings. Oh, and get some vinegar. And be home in time for naps!”

These things go without saying in my mind.

20120414-011707.jpg

So I’m allegedly indisposed; I am supposed to be resting and taking pain medication but the kids keep knocking on the door and insisting they need me for something. And of course Cousin It gets nursies whenever she wants. And My Masterpiece gets covered with her blanket (by me, of course).

Sunday afternoon, My Chemical Romance is leaving for a work trip. I’m nervous about solo-parenting only three days after surgery. I’m still in a lot of pain, even if the pain medication helps take my mind off it. I’m hoping that I’m feeling 10000x better by the time he leaves.

Meanwhile, I take some satisfaction in the idea that according to salary.com, based on my job as a mom, I should make over $100k/year!

Filed under: attachment parenting, Daily Life, family, homeschool | Tagged: , | 6 Comments »

Day one post surgery

Posted on April 13, 2012 by Erika

Yesterday I had a procedure done on a very sensitive area on my body. It was something that was supposed to be done years ago, but Assy McSweetcheeks back in Charlotte wouldn’t operate on me when I was pregnant (and then I was nursing round-the-clock and then we moved and yada yada). Of course Cousin It is still nursing, but she can go many hours now and mostly just nurses for comfort.

Anyway, I was nervous about the pain. I’m a total wimp about pain. Yes, I’ve had babies without pain meds but that’s completely different. I felt okay just after surgery and for a few hours after that, but when the anesthesia wore off, it hurt. Bad. I called the Assropractor this morning to ask for something stronger than what he gave me. (He shares an office with a chiro; thus he is Assropractor.) Now I’m just waiting on My Chemical Romance to pick up the RX and get it filled. Yes, the medication is THAT strong, the Assropractor can’t just call it in. I can’t wait!

My Chemical Romance is holding down the fort while I’m recovering. The Fort is in shambles, but whatevs. It does make me realize that even though I’m hard on myself for what doesn’t get done, I actually DO get a lot done every day.

Also, I’ve gotten help from many friends here. My friendships here are, of course, different from my Jugs, but isn’t every friendship different? I miss the closeness with my Jugs that came from seeing each other nearly daily, but I realize that most people do not have that kind of flexibility. Plus the busyness of having children ebbs and flows — most of the Jugs have younger kids and therefore more time. Even having my kids in just two extracurricular activities right now (cub scouts and taekwon do) is time consuming. Swimming is over til late May. Again, reminding myself not to be hard on myself for having a life that revolves around my kids.

When I’m feeling better, I want to write about the following topics

* the Ann Romney doesn’t work thing
* the Cory Booker is a hero thing
* the potential guinea pig thing
* the Trayvon Martin killer is arrested thing
* the thing about seeing my old dog, Deuce, thing

Filed under: Daily Life, family, friends | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Things I Think About When I Can’t Sleep

Posted on December 21, 2011 by Erika

1. What kind of dog we’re going to get.

We’re getting another dog. In 2014, when I’m 35. You see, we got Deuce (who now belongs to Dustin’s grandpa) when I turned 25. We got Maizey when I turned 30. So I’ve decided that when I’m 35, it will be time for another dog. I want to purchase a puppy — rather than getting a dog from the pound — because I like a blank slate to work with. Also, because I don’t want to kill a shelter dog. I’ve been going through the entire AKC registry of breeds with The Informant as part of homeschooling — we read about the breed, look at some webpages and then watch it on Dogs 101 which I know isn’t the best reference, but it gives us a general idea of the dog. Then she draws and colors pictures of the breed and labels it. I’m thinking about poodle or a French bulldog. I love love love Shetland Sheepdogs, but that’s too much fur/grooming for me. (Yes, I know poodles need to be groomed regularly, but I don’t have to do it personally).

Deucey Goosey.

2. I Have Failed My Baby At Commemorating Her

Yep, I have a baby — a nearly one-year-old, actually — but you wouldn’t know it by the pictures I take. Other than a few on my phone, the last picture I took of only her was in October.

Here she is... two months ago.

2.5 Also, Her Birthday Kind of Sucks

Luckily she’s only almost-one now, but someday it’s going to be the worst birthday in the history of ever. On my other kids’ birthdays, I make it a YES day — try to say YES to all requests — but Christmas is already kind of a yes day in which everyone is home and we open presents and My Chemical Romance makes Aebleskivers and we eat quesadillas all day and watch TV.

We may have to celebrate her birthday on her half-birthday.

3. I Need a Method of Keeping Track of Health Care Costs in 2012

Yeah, this is kind of a yearly resolution, like losing weight trying to stop biting my nails. But really. I do. My Chemical Romance takes several medications that require regular labs; I get my labs done twice a year (20 vials!) and see the chiropractor regularly. And, of course, Mineral sees a speech therapist and a doctor for his ADHD (have I mentioned he’s been diagnosed with severe ADHD? Yep) and we’re starting occupational therapy for him this week. I’m also thinking about speech therapy/occupational therapy for Animal, since he’s almost nine and doesn’t read and I think he might be dyslexic. If he sees the word CLASS he’ll say, LASER??? LIGHT??? LAST??? (And then he’ll just give up and say, “The? Helicopter?” It’s very frustrating for me.)

4. Why the fuck aren’t I sleeping right now?!?!?

My Chemical Romance’s alarm clock is going to go off in 27 minutes and then he’s going to hit snooze every nine minutes and then My Masterpiece is going to be up at 6:30 and then The Informant is going to go downstairs and pour milk, then cereal and the dog is going to bark to go out…

 

Filed under: Daily Life, family, homeschool | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

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