Parenting as They Grow

Posted on September 19, 2012 by Erika

Animal and Mineral — okay, all of the kids, really — are getting older. And even though I enjoy being able to have conversations with them, and I appreciate the logic they use to lie to me — if I say the baby did it, then I’m off the hook and mom can’t be too mad because the baby is just a toddler who likes to destroy/spill milk on/use a knife against everything! — it’s also much more challenging, emotionally.

20120918-233726.jpg(The “easy” one)

I want them to share with me, but I don’t want to push them if they’re not ready.

I want them to be honest with me, but I don’t want them to think that being honest absolves them of consequences for poor decisions.

I want to give them opportunities to enjoy life without the confines of being in a classroom, but I want them to learn the basic communication skills necessary for functioning in society. (And maybe also their times tables. And some history.)

On a related note, it’s genuinely difficult to enjoy all those opportunities when

1. There are five of them, and very few activities fit everyone’s interests
2. We don’t have the financial wherewithal to explore all of their interests
3. Their interests often conflict with other interests (time-wise).

It is probably time to re-read How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk — and find out what comes after that!

20120918-233631.jpg(credit: booksandbones.com)

Filed under: attachment parenting, Daily Life, family, homeschool | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Conversations with Homeschoolers

Posted on September 10, 2012 by Erika

After last week’s post about the ridiculous conversation I overheard between public school moms, here’s two conversations between homeschool moms in which one of the moms acts like a nincompoop (hint: I’m in both conversations)

 

Friday was Cary Homeschoolers’ annual Not Back to School Park Potluck. Last year, I was miserable. This year, merely moronic.

Incident One

Me, to acquaintance I hadn’t seen in a while: “So, what are your kids doing this year?”
I was expecting to hear things like, a science co-op or Odyssey of the Mind.

She <beaming>: “Oh! We start at 8:00am and go til 3:00pm, at their desks. I could start earlier than 8:00AM, but I like to get in a run on the treadmill while they’re eating breakfast and getting dressed. First is math, then language arts, a writing prompt and journaling. Then we study history and geography. After a quick break for lunch we do Latin and Greek, then math drills. They’re also also learning Spanish and Mandarin. Three afternoons a week they take science classes — physics and biology. There’s also Tae Kwon Do and gymnastics in the afternoons. And swim practice. My son wants to take guitar lessons, but there just isn’t enough time in the day!”

Me: “Wow… how old are they, again?” (I literally was struck dumb, I couldn’t think of anything else to say.)

She: “Nine and Eleven.” <Beams again> “They just love it!”

Me: “So did the Branch Davidians!”

(Flickr: Brennan Moore)

And incident two, with a different mom –

Me: “So I keep suggesting to my neighbor that she join CHS. She’s homeschooling, but she won’t join, for some reason.”

(For the record, CHS is a large, open organization that’s basically comprised of a giant email loop. It’s free, and you can be as involved — or uninvolved — as you want.)

She <noncommittal> “Hmmm.”

Me: “I wonder if it’s because she’s LDS. You know, when she told me she was LDS (which happened after we discussed Cub Scouts; LDS boys do Cub Scouts through their church) all I could think was, Sacred Undergarments! Sacred Undergarments! Stop thinking about Sacred Undergarments! Sacred Undergarments!”

She: “I’m LDS.”

Me: Sacred Undergarments! Sacred Undergarments! Sacred Undergarments! “I’m not thinking of sacred undergarments right now.”

This is not what I was thinking of. (Flickr: Ephemeral Scraps)

I’m actually twelve and despite the fact that I attended public school for 17 years, I’m very poorly socialized!

Filed under: Daily Life, homeschool | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »

Unsocialized Schoolers

Posted on August 31, 2012 by Erika

Conversation I overheard between two moms while at Tae Kwon Do:

Mom 1: My child has to walk up four flights of stairs to get to his classroom!
Mom 2: That’s horrible! Why?
Mom 1: Because they separate each grade and give the grade its own floor.
Mom 2: Oh. That makes sense.
Mom 1: Yes, it prevents the kids of different ages from fraternizing.

Filed under: homeschool | Tagged: , , , | 5 Comments »

First Day of Homeschool (Year Four)

Posted on August 27, 2012 by Erika

School officially starts for kids in Wake County today (and elsewhere, based on what I’ve seen on Facebook). Animal and Mineral are technically fourth graders

20120827-070156.jpg

The Informant is a second grader

20120827-070414.jpg

My Masterpiece is a redshirt kindergartner because of her autumn birthday

20120827-070528.jpg

And Cousin It is a toddler

20120827-070618.jpg

This year we’re joining homeschool 4-H, which is exciting. The kids also do homeschool swimming, gymnastics (girls), tae kwon do (boys) and Navigators USA. The Informant is in Geography Club twice a month and homeschool Girl Scouts is starting this year too (not sure about that; we may be overscheduled). The boys have a DnD group once or twice a month that’s made up of little mini-nerds.

As far as school goes, I usually default to unschooling, but after four years of doing this, I can see where my kids need some work. My feelings about homeschooling are that you have to do it for a while before you get the hang of your kids and how they learn. Some kids are really self-motivated and unschooling or child-directed learning is best. Some kids need more school-at-home.

Animal, Mineral and The Informant need practice with their writing and so we’re going to use Handwriting Without Tears (which Mineral’s OT uses) for writing. Mineral and The Informant need practice reading out loud, so I use Aesop fables or something else that’s more like a “living-book” from the library. Animal needs to read fluently, period. I’ll use anything for that. The boys and I will finish Singapore Math from last year and start the second Life of Fred math book. And if I’m feeling motivated we’ll all finish last year’s History Odyssey. In between I also teach some basic grammar for language arts.

I recently read something about the brain being able to focus clearly for only 15 minutes at a time, so I try to do quick lessons.

Then we can get back to the business of living life and learning all the time.

Filed under: Daily Life, homeschool | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »

Weekend Recap and Five Kid Guilt

Posted on May 21, 2012 by Erika

This weekend I was at Miss Manners’ house with Cousin It, while My Chemical Romance was home with the rest of the crew. It was a jam-packed weekend which included dinner at my favorite restaurant on Friday evening, Cowfish, while Cousin It stayed with a babysitter. That part was kind of amusing — she was with a sitter I’d never met, but I’ve known her on Facebook for two years. So, really, Mark Zuckerberg babysat Cousin It, at least by proxy. She knows most of the Jugs personally — but had never met ME in person. She has one-year-old twins and a four year old — and an 18-year-old — so I knew she would be fine with yet another small child in her presence. And she was, and Cousin It did great, and we brought her back some Cowfish and everything was fantastic and the moon was in Mercury anterograde and life was awesome.

I looooove Cowfish. It’s a great restaurant, especially if you’re somewhat picky AND you have friends who are somewhat adventurous. They serve burgers and sushi. Everyone wins. I finally got to meet Stitches’ new baby, Mini-Stitches (so… Cross-Stitch?) and Nice-Nice’s new baby, Doesn’t-Give-Aide. They are so cute! They squeak! They nurse 24/7! They do not make my uterus long for the precious precious days of yore. I kind of still feel like I’m in the precious precious days of yore.

Image

at Cowfish!

Oh, wait, Nice-Nice wasn’t at Cowfish. Well, I met Doesn’t-Give-Aide the next night at Jugs. 

Saturday morning was Great Strides, the walk benefiting the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. I did not walk because of my butt pain, but I went out there in support. Stitches and her family, Lady Beaver of the Syllables, Prom Queen and Miss Manners walked. Miss Manners pushed Cousin It in the stroller, so I sat in Starbucks by myself for an hour. Saturday afternoon, I took a three-hour nap with Cousin It. It was delicious. In the evening we had Game Night, in which we mostly sat around and cooed over the squishy, cutely-squeaking babies and played all of one game. That’s okay. I miss everyone so much; I can play games anytime.

Sunday Miss Manners and I hung out. She was working on her spreadsheet for a homeschool field trip she was organizing, and I was feeling bad that I rarely take my kids to do things, or participate in things like that. You see, I have five kids. See?

Clockwise from bottom left: Mineral, The Informant, My Masterpiece, Animal and Cousin It.

And someone is always napping, or needing a nap, or hungry or whatever and every organized activity gets in the way of someone’s schedule. I am really grateful we were able to do weekly co-op. Also, we have no money. With Mineral being gluten-free, and the fact that we eat organic, our monthly food bill is approximately the same as our (totally exorbitant) rent.

One of the reasons I want to homeschool is so that my kids can experience fun, non-school activities and we rarely do those activities. Miss Manners immediately said, “But they’re getting a chance to experience childhood, and that’s important too.”

And I was like, OH! DUH! RIGHT! THAT’S IMPORTANT TOO.

And then I felt much better. My kids may not get to go on homeschool field trips or participate in many co-ops (Raleigh is TEEMING with homeschool co-ops; they’re everywhere), but they get to color and build things and jump on the trampoline and cook and do errands with me and spend time with their siblings and me and read. And that counts too.

Filed under: attachment parenting, Daily Life, family, homeschool | Tagged: , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Why I Homeschool (and You Don’t)

Posted on April 11, 2012 by Erika

Believe it or not, I am not particularly confrontational about the “weird” parenting stuff I do. Homebirth, intact boys (not circumcising), nursing on cue, supplementing with donor milk rather than formula, cosleeping, not vaccinating… those are the right decisions for my family. Homeschooling is a fairly hot button topic because I talk about it on Facebook and in parenting forums, and also, like, DUH, I’m out in the world with my kids who aren’t in school. Everyone seems to have an opinion about it.

The decision to homeschool is different than the decision to have a homebirth; it’s more of a long-term process rather than a YES or NO thing. I’m constantly evaluating and re-evaluating how it’s going and what I’m doing right and wrong. However, for all my insecurities about what I’m doing, I am going to continue homeschooling.

Why do you homeschool?

I do not like packing lunches. I do not like getting up early. I do not like doing homework. I do not like mandatory meetings with staff. I want to be my childrens’ teacher. I want to spend time with them. I want to teach them important life skills that I missed in 17 years of public education. I want to shelter them. I believe they learn better from my instruction than from one teacher with twenty or thirty students. I want to teach them a different way. I do not think they need eight or nine hours of instruction. I want them to enjoy their childhoods. I do not want them to become institutionalized. I want to give them options. I want them to experience the real world, not being in a building for many hours a day. I want them to socialize with people of all ages, not just their own 12-month-birthday span. I like to stay in my pajamas. I like being able to go to museums when they’re empty during the week rather than crazy on the weekends. I want them to learn to cook. And do laundry. And clean. I want them to know how to calculate mortgage costs. I want them to understand that education is a privilege. I want them to figure out what they want to do, what they like and don’t like, rather than blindly follow a set path. I like to print things.

But my children go to public school and they’re XYZ! and they’re NOT abc! 

How nice for you. Congratulations. My decision to homeschool my children has nothing to do with you or your children. Please do not take it personally or we are going to have some issues in our relationship. Because, honestly, it gets old explaining why public school is perfectly fine and why you and your children are lovely special snowflakes but I’m still going to homeschool mine (who are also perfectly fine — mostly — and lovely special snowflakes too). When it comes to school, I do not care what you and your children do.

I find it so obnoxious that people question homeschoolers when I’d never dream of saying to my friends who send their kids to school, “But don’t you worry that all they know how to do is TAKE TESTS?!?!?! Don’t you worry that they have no critical thinking skills!!! In the real world, they’re going to have to make decisions for themselves; how will they learn that in public school?!?!” I’m sure most kids will find their way,whether they learn at school or at home. And if you tell me that you have absolutely no patience for your children, yes, it is probably better that you don’t homeschool them. Jeez.

What about when they’re in higher grades? What about calculus? How will they go to college? How can you teach them Spanish? 

I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know if they will. I will teach them French.

You’re holding them back! They’re going to work in tollbooths!

First of all, I don’t think tollbooths actually employ workers anymore. Second of all, I think I’m helping them. If they are not ambitious, I do not want to spend $40,000 on higher education — or have them take out $40,000 in loans. If they are ambitious, they will discover that I can only take them so far, but I’ll help them find other ways to learn. If they want to be some kind of skilled worker, that’s okay.

Here is where I feel it turns into a class warfare thing.

I grew up in an upper middle class neighborhood in Michigan. Everyone went to college. I mean everyone. (Also, nobody got pregnant. Nobody. Either everyone was too scared to have sex, everyone was smart enough to be on birth control or abortions were rampant.) So, I went to college like everyone, had no idea what I want to “do” with my life, got my bachelor’s degree in psychology and creative writing and… ***crickets.*** Yes, I have my education and nobody can ever take it away from me, but a bachelor’s degree in psychology and creative writing is about as helpful as… a bachelor’s degree in sociology or humanities. And yet, I was expected to go to college, and people expect my children to go to college. It’s taken me a long time to get away from that attitude, but with the economy in shambles and the cost of education rising, I’m okay if my kids don’t go to college.

And that is all I’m going to say about that. For now, at least.

Filed under: attachment parenting, family, homeschool | Tagged: , , | 17 Comments »

Park Days and Politics

Posted on January 28, 2012 by Erika

Shout out to my reader Melia (Muh-Lee-Ah) for the following topic: How Park Days can Turn into Political Punditry.

Most of the moms I encounter at the park (during the day) are homeschoolers. The stereotype that most homeschoolers are deeply religious (usually Christian) and homeschool because they want to keep their kids somewhat sheltered is… sometimes true.

Typical homeschooling family?

Although now that I live in Raleigh, within a short distance of 19 colleges (this statistic brought to you by Siri, since My Chemical Romance’s company gave him an iPhone 4S and Animal asked, “How will I pay for college?” and she replied, “I have found 19 colleges nearby…”) I think the more common stereotype here is that of the college-educated-mom-who-is-thinking-outside-the-box-as-a-homeschooler. So I haven’t heard a lot of dogmatic politics at the playground.

What I have heard:

Some Ron Paul support (although mostly I read it online from the homebirth community, as he is a homebirth supporter). Talk about outside the box! My feelings about Ron Paul are decidedly MEH — he’s never going to make it on to the ticket, so I don’t even pay a lot of attention. He’s known as Dr. No, and a strict follower of the Constitution.

The Duggars support Rick Santorum. No. Just no.  He votes based on the Constitution AND the Bible. People seem to think that’s just AWESOME. And yet, the same people who think it’s cool for him to vote based on a religious text would consider it TERRORISM if that religious text were, say, the Qu’Ran.

Newt Gingrich: the park mommies I’ve encountered are all a little wary of Newt. I think it’s because most of us are wives and mothers, and everyone knows how Newt feels about his wives/mothers of his children. He’s a total asshole, in that regard.

Mitt Romney is too rich, too dog-hating and too robotic to be loved by middle class, dog-loving mommies.

Obama: I think he’s going to win without much problem (unless Newt manages to get the nomination and then unscrupulously chooses Rubio as his VP, which would enamor him to a large population of Latino voters. Even then I think Obama is going to win — McCain tried to win female voters with Palin, and that backfired spectacularly. Although I think Rubio is more qualified than Palin.)

Park mommies are not thrilled with Obama’s lack-of -progress on many fronts, but my opinion is that with the way the government is set up, his hands are pretty much tied and he’s doing the best he can.

Filed under: friends, homeschool, Pop Culture | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Homeschooling: I’m Teaching Life Lessons, Here!

Posted on January 9, 2012 by Erika

For Christmas, Animal, Mineral and My Masterpiece went to Florida to visit my parents. The Informant stayed here because her bff lives right next door and they played all week. Porcelain stayed here because my boobs stayed here.

When My Masterpiece returned, I thought, When did you get so BIG? She has always been my baby, even when I had another baby, but now that she’s getting older and more curious I think it’s time to start teaching her.

Yeah, I said it: teaching her. Prior to this, I have not actually sat down and taught her much. She just hangs around and pretends to read books and writes in a preschool workbook I got at Costco.

I’m THAT homeschooling mom, the one who doesn’t do a lot of formal lessons. I’m probably reacting to all the formal lessons I received in school, the same lessons that help me in absolutely no way as an adult. (Except for the typing class that my mother had to force me to take. Thanks, mom! I’m literally using that information right this very second!)

Things I did not learn in 13 years of public school, followed by 4 years at university:

  • How to cook. Or even follow a recipe.
  • How to do laundry.
  • How to read a map.
  • How to change a tire or change my car’s oil
  • How to plunge a toilet, or snake a sink.

There are other things I didn’t learn, like how to be a good friend and how to take care of living things like a plant or a dog — or how to take care of newborn twins as a single mom. Those things I learned on my own, either through trial and error or because I wanted to learn them.

Things I did learn in school:

  • How to read
  • How to write (quantity, if not quality, at first; followed by BOTH at university)
  • A LOT of basic algebra that I can do in my head.

My tendency now is to go the opposite direction of my own schooling, and really push the kids to learn life skills — but My Chemical Romance points out that it’s often at the expense of teaching the three R’s (readin’ ‘riting and ‘rithmetic) which he feels are more important. Touche. I get that — once they can do the 3 Rs, the world really opens up — but they also need to know that before cooking boneless, skinless chicken breasts, you absolutely must marinate overnight, preferably in homemade Italian dressing!

 

Filed under: attachment parenting, family, homeschool | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Things I Think About When I Can’t Sleep

Posted on December 21, 2011 by Erika

1. What kind of dog we’re going to get.

We’re getting another dog. In 2014, when I’m 35. You see, we got Deuce (who now belongs to Dustin’s grandpa) when I turned 25. We got Maizey when I turned 30. So I’ve decided that when I’m 35, it will be time for another dog. I want to purchase a puppy — rather than getting a dog from the pound — because I like a blank slate to work with. Also, because I don’t want to kill a shelter dog. I’ve been going through the entire AKC registry of breeds with The Informant as part of homeschooling — we read about the breed, look at some webpages and then watch it on Dogs 101 which I know isn’t the best reference, but it gives us a general idea of the dog. Then she draws and colors pictures of the breed and labels it. I’m thinking about poodle or a French bulldog. I love love love Shetland Sheepdogs, but that’s too much fur/grooming for me. (Yes, I know poodles need to be groomed regularly, but I don’t have to do it personally).

Deucey Goosey.

2. I Have Failed My Baby At Commemorating Her

Yep, I have a baby — a nearly one-year-old, actually — but you wouldn’t know it by the pictures I take. Other than a few on my phone, the last picture I took of only her was in October.

Here she is... two months ago.

2.5 Also, Her Birthday Kind of Sucks

Luckily she’s only almost-one now, but someday it’s going to be the worst birthday in the history of ever. On my other kids’ birthdays, I make it a YES day — try to say YES to all requests — but Christmas is already kind of a yes day in which everyone is home and we open presents and My Chemical Romance makes Aebleskivers and we eat quesadillas all day and watch TV.

We may have to celebrate her birthday on her half-birthday.

3. I Need a Method of Keeping Track of Health Care Costs in 2012

Yeah, this is kind of a yearly resolution, like losing weight trying to stop biting my nails. But really. I do. My Chemical Romance takes several medications that require regular labs; I get my labs done twice a year (20 vials!) and see the chiropractor regularly. And, of course, Mineral sees a speech therapist and a doctor for his ADHD (have I mentioned he’s been diagnosed with severe ADHD? Yep) and we’re starting occupational therapy for him this week. I’m also thinking about speech therapy/occupational therapy for Animal, since he’s almost nine and doesn’t read and I think he might be dyslexic. If he sees the word CLASS he’ll say, LASER??? LIGHT??? LAST??? (And then he’ll just give up and say, “The? Helicopter?” It’s very frustrating for me.)

4. Why the fuck aren’t I sleeping right now?!?!?

My Chemical Romance’s alarm clock is going to go off in 27 minutes and then he’s going to hit snooze every nine minutes and then My Masterpiece is going to be up at 6:30 and then The Informant is going to go downstairs and pour milk, then cereal and the dog is going to bark to go out…

 

Filed under: Daily Life, family, homeschool | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

Three Types of Homeschoolers

Posted on April 1, 2011 by Erika

I rarely go to homeschool get-togethers because, to be honest, so many homeschooler parents bring the crazy. I’m sorry to be a traitor to my people but GAH. Most homeschool parents I’ve met fit into one of three categories:

1. Jesuschoolers

Jesus said to homeschool. And that dinosaurs don’t exist.  Therefore we homeschool, shielding our children from that wicked wicked concept taught in mainstream schools – we refer to it as EVILution, because everyone knows that the bible says dinosaurs are evil – and on the weekends we march for keeping marriage faithfully between one man and one woman. *However, certain conservative pundits may have more than one wife. Or a wife and a mistress. Because God told them to.

While your passion is obvious, your blind adherence to such a strict dogma is Stepford scary, and not my thing. Moving on…

2. School at Home

We homeschool for 8 hours per day, including flashcards during our 45 minute lunch, and two fifteen-minute pee breaks per day. My children are learning English, Latin, Swahili; mathematics; chemistry, biology, and physics; and how to play the banjo. And that’s just our Tuesday schedule!

I just had a baby. I’m tired enough without hearing about your schooling. Plus, you can’t fit us into your cramped schedule for a playdate  anyway.

3. Radical Unschoolers

We do whatever my children want, anytime they want. They do not have to brush their teeth, they do not have to shower — they can even soil themselves if they choose! I refuse to ”teach” anything because teaching is an imperialist concept that unfairly assumes my children know less than I do, simply because they are younger and smaller. Also, I do all the cooking, cleaning, and laundry — they will learn by example, and I’m certain one day they’ll choose to wash their own soiled underthings! — and do not censor any of their media. If they want to watch decapitation porn, that’s their choice and it’s a valid one.

When there is a heated discussion — we never argue! – because one child wants to do one thing, and one wants to do something else, we have a family meeting. Each family member gets a vote. If the vote is split, we allow the cat to make the decision, observing the way she uses her litter box to decipher her feelings on the subject.

Once we saw a restaurant patron choking to death. One of my children knows CPR but did not want to perform the lifesaving measures on a stranger so we let him die. And that was a valid choice!

Blank stare, diplomatic nod, and in my head: crickets.

Filed under: attachment parenting, family, homeschool | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »

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