Life Gets Fortuitous #allinthetiming

Posted on May 24, 2013 by Erika

Or is life simply fortuitous? Maybe I mean, things come to fruition. (Both are words/phrases that I stumble over because of the whole FRUIT thing.)

So, last episode ended with our heroine (me!) writing about taking a CNA course and finding work as a certified nurse’s aide or nursing assistant. But! Then! I went to the community college to get the results of my math placement. There I discovered classes had just started the day before. And having already been through university, I knew it would be easy to start on day two, after adding a class or two–

And thus, I re-started my higher education.

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To quote an amazing movie, “Let me sum up.” (Also, “Unemployed in Greenland?!?!?!”) The Associate’s Degree in Nursing (ADN) program only accepts students once a year. I thought I’d apply to start in two years. But because I could start classes, like, yesterday, instead of in the fall, that gave me an extra semester to take classes before I apply. Which means I can apply to start in the ADN program next fall, a year before I planned.

I can’t take actual nursing classes until I’m accepted into the program; however I can take the general education classes that ADN students are required to take. Further, this means that I can take one or two classes right now, attending part-time, and by the time I’m in the nursing program I’ll have all my general education requirements done (thanks also to the classes from my undergraduate degree that transferred as general education classes).

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Now you maybe wondering three things:

What about being a CNA?
The ADN program requires a CNA, so I will have to take a CNA class, pass it and also pass the state CNA exam. But for right now I’m taking this opportunity to focus on long term goals, so I’m pursuing the nursing program, rather than one CNA class.

How will you pay for it?
Le sigh. The upside is, community college isn’t very expensive; the downside is, anything beyond $5 is very expensive right now. Also, while going only part-time, I don’t qualify for financial aid. So, I’m selling everything I can and using a credit card. Don’t tell Dave Ramsey.

What about child care while you’re in class?
Luckily I’m only going part time. Also, one of my two classes this semester is online, so the only child care I need for that is Netflix. But I have worked out trading childcare with my new friend Jackie, and if that doesn’t work for some reason, I can use a drop-in daycare near the school (one that women I met at book club use and like). I’m hoping I can take as many evening classes as possible starting in the fall.

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Pic from my FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!

Filed under: Daily Life | Tagged: , , , , , | 3 Comments »

We’ve Lived Here for a Year

Posted on August 14, 2012 by Erika

And I still hate it. Sorry, Cary people. I hate it here. I wish I didn’t — I feel like a total loser, in fact. I feel like I have nothing to show for the last year except some exceptionally large dust bunnies and two guinea pigs that I love more than you should love animals who live in their own litterbox.

(The explanation for my intense guinea pig-love is that I have very few friends here. Sometimes I sit down with them and make conversation while they squeak and purr.)

I have tried, y’all, to make friends. I know all about forcing yourself to get out there — and I get out there. I think if you polled moms in large families, I get out way more than most of them do. I regularly attend two book clubs, I work part-time, I am part of a homeschool co-op and a very large homeschool umbrella group, My Chemical Romance is involved in scouting and we’re starting homeschool 4-H next month. I totally should have some friends by now.

Who wants to hang out tonight???? (Flickr: ccmbc)

I do have a couple. Sadly, one of my friends, Sin-D, and I have never actually completed a conversation. (She has four kids ages eight and under; I have five ages nine and under. Enough said, right?) We might actually hate each other, if we ever get a chance to talk.

I truly believe there are potential friends everywhere. Yet everyone who I think is a potential friend is all, “Oh yeah, we should totally hang out… sometime…” while desperately avoiding eye contact — and then six months goes by in which “getting together” is never again mentioned. For as tactless as I often CHOOSE TO BE, I can follow basic social cues. Until that sometime, I’ll be spending tonight reading on my Kindle and talking to my guinea pigs.

Other things I hate about it here:

1. The mosquitoes and the bugs

Seriously, I feel like I’m living in a fucking swamp. Charlotte is three hours away; how is it that Cary has three hundred times the mosquitoes?!?! On the other hand, the “water bugs” — which is a North Carolina euphemism for GIANT FUCKING COCKROACHES — are equally disturbing.

2. The cost of living

Gas is expensive here. The rental market is pure insanity. I just spent 30 minutes with a realtor who actively persuaded me AGAINST renting the house she was showing me because she doesn’t want to rent it to my family. It’s a 3b/2b house that costs more than the mortgage on my 5b/2.5b house in Charlotte. Of course, the realtor reminded me of most people I’ve met here: snooty, snotty (yes, both snooty AND snotty), and closed-off. What kills me is that she can say no because she KNOWS she’ll find someone to rent the house who doesn’t have five kids, even though the house is overpriced. And probably covered in mosquitoes.

$1850/mo. For the red one. (Flickr: BRAYDAWG)

3. Lack of Diversity

The irony is, I grew up in a city very much like this: Bloomfield Hills, Michigan. According to Wikipedia

Bloomfield Hills consistently ranks as one of the top five wealthiest cities in the United States with population between 2,500 to 9,999 — it currently is listed at the number four position and in 1990 it was ranked number two,[6]and has the highest income of any city outside of California, Florida or Virginia.

My childhood was… affluent and fine, and I grew up around other fine, affluent white people. Going to college — even the fairly affluent, fine University of Michigan — was quite a shock. There were people of color. There were liberals. There were all kinds of student groups. In retrospect, I wish I’d known those people existed before I was 18.

I just want my kids to grow up surrounded by a little diversity. I want someplace with a little more culture.

Honestly, this is all ALMOST enough to make me doubt my own awesomeness. In fact, sometimes I do. I had a moment recently where I said to My Chemical Romance, “I don’t know what to do here. There must be something wrong with me, rather than wrong with the thousands of people I’ve encountered in the last year. Maybe I actually suck and I just didn’t realize it til I moved here…”

But then I remembered: NO. I am awesome.

My dream car. (Flickr: Matski_98)

I’ll stay awesome and keep fighting the good fight.

Filed under: Daily Life, friends | Tagged: , , , , | 12 Comments »

Scenes from a Weekend Visit to Charlotte

Posted on July 23, 2012 by Erika

Actually, I was just across the border, in Fort Mill.

I wore my newest pair of ugly comfortable shoes!20120722-205807.jpg
With mismatched socks, because I had to fug them up some more!

I always bring Cousin It because she’s attached and still nursing, but this time I also brought My Masterpiece and The Informant. 20120722-205856.jpg
They slept for the first hour, fought with each other for the second hour and complained about being hungry for the last hour. I took this pic while at a red light!

I was reunited with my birthday necklace from my friend Sarah, which I had left at Miss Manners’ house during my last visit. 20120722-210128.jpg
(Isn’t the necklace beautiful? Such a thoughtful gift, I love it!)

Miss Manners had to run an errand to a big bad warehouse store I haven’t shopped in for nearly five years.20120722-210338.jpg
We took the opportunity for a photo op with my online friend Tracey Garvis Graves’ bestseller, On the Island!

Saturday, Cousin It was wide awake at 6:30am.
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I’m not a morning person.

But! Later I got to see my Jugs and their adorable little Juglets!
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Cousin It looks at Stitches and Cross-Stitch (which I like better as a nickname than mini-Stitches.)

We were celebrating another Juglet’s birthday, little Eat, who turned three! I was there when he was born. I took pictures then too.
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Nice-Nice was multitasking: nursing Nice^3 and blowing out candles.

For dinner we had a delicious gluten-free meal: zucchini carbonara!
20120722-211624.jpg(I have been gluten-free since Friday, will write about it later this week.)

I intentionally spent some alone time with The Informant. 20120722-211753.jpgShe needed some TLC.

During Game night with all the Jugs, we caught sight of a new trick Miss Manners’ free-roaming chickens learned: tree-climbing (or flying).20120722-212221.jpgThe obvious answer is, To get to the other side, right?

The next afternoon, while I made a quick Target run, I was reminded why you should never leave Miss Manners in charge of a gaggle of children.
20120723-064705.jpgBecause this will ensue.

And no weekend would be complete without Cousin It sleeping. 20120722-212421.jpgWith her shoes on, of course.

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Missing My Friends

Posted on May 1, 2012 by Erika

Every Sunday morning, I get a recap of the previous night’s Jugs. Currently, local (Charlotte area) Jugs sits at five: Miss Manners, Stitches, Nice-Nice, Prom Queen and Lady Beaver of the Syllables. I’m in Raleigh — and I haven’t been back since March because I’m still recovering from surgery — while Mary F. Poppins is in Portland and our new Jug doesn’t live in Charlotte yet.

I miss them. Nice-Nice and Stitches had their babies, and it bothers me that I haven’t met them yet. I want to be there for my friends while they make these big life transitions. Hell, I want to be there for tiny little non-important stuff too.

New Juglets!

I once heard us — Jugs, collectively — referred to as exclusive or clique-y, and snobby.

“How dare they label us…” I started to say, deeply offended, and then finished with, “completely accurately.”

It’s true — maybe not the snobby part, so much, but we are exclusive. Not because we don’t welcome others, but at this point Jugs has been together for over two years, and it would be difficult to catch them up to speed.

You must do the secret Jug arm wrestle move to join us!

Just sharing my epic butt history could take hours. And would include a video that Miss Manners took when she accompanied me to an appointment with Dr. McSweetcheeks in which he went spelunking, as I call it.

But Jugs is special, I know that. We’re a group of diverse women. Three Jugs are not American. Half of us work outside the home, the other half are “just” moms. We have very different backgrounds — one Jug worked as a clown, and actually lived in a cave for years.

What we have in common is that we’re all attachment-moms, and we’ve all breastfed (hence the name Jugs!)

But really our most salient feature is that we each put a premium on our time together. We are all busy and tired and stressed — but we always show up for Jugs anyway. Sometimes we’re late, sometimes we have to bring a kid or two with us — or leave early to get home — but we’re there. (The great Jugs Plague of early 2011 notwithstanding. We each got the flu. It sucked.)

Anyone could find a group of friends and have their own Jugs. But I don’t have Jugs here, and I’ve never had Jugs in any of the other places which I’ve lived. It takes commitment. It takes willingness. It takes trusting and honesty, and an equal desire for close friendship and companionship.

At Nice-Nice, Stitches and our new Jug's shower/blessing ceremony party!

We’re not snobs, but we know what we have is special. Don’t waste time thinking about us; go try to make or find your own Jugs!

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Leaving Facebook is Dumb/Facebook is great

Posted on January 3, 2012 by Erika

As with every new year, I see status updates about people who are leaving Facebook. I think it’s dumb. Yes, Facebook is insidious — but so is having chocolate in the house, and that didn’t stop me from buying Oreos today at Super Target. (Where I nursed in public.) Here’s why Facebook is great and I’ll never leave:

1. It connects me to my family

Living in Raleigh, we’re about 800 miles from my family, and like 253252435235 zillion miles from My Chemical Romance’s family. I miss them. Thanks to Facebook I heard immediately when My Chemical Romance’s mom’s cousin (so, kind of like his aunt) died. Same with learning that his uncle had had a stroke. (Sometimes I even hear good news from his family.)  I’m able to show pics of the kids to family members and share in all their cute/dumb stuff. It has connected me with my aunt Alice’s sister, who posts the BEST links. Which brings me to #2

2. I actually learn things from links people share

Yes, I have you hidden if you post racist/sexist/misogynist/liberal-bashing crap (but if you do, why are we even friends in the first place?) but most of my friends post really interesting thought-provoking articles that I might not otherwise read. Particularly my midwife/doula/childbirth educator friends — I learn a lot from what I see posted there.

3. As I post stuff, I reconnect with old friends

I post my share of things that I find interesting and thought-provoking and I’m always happy when I see old friends comment on them. Especially parenting articles — I post a lot about nursing and have gotten so much support from old friends who are now having babies and nursing! I can think of several FB friends who I didn’t know that well in high school but now that I “know” them on FB, I really like them.

4. And avoid connecting with old frenemies

I used to accept nearly all friend requests, but one day I was looking at a “friend’s” pictures and thought, “She was SUCH A BITCH in high school. Why am I doing this?” The answer — to make fun of her now — didn’t sit well with me, so I friended the unfriend button.

5. And get to know new friends!

I’ve gotten to know many of Porcelain’s milk donors, moms from the local homeschool co-op, as well as moms I met at the Target Nurse In. I even friended the random guy on Craigslist who sold me a camera for Mineral’s Christmas present, and then drove me back to my house after I locked my keys in my (running) car and brought me back to my car.

What do you all think of Facebook?

Filed under: Daily Life, family, friends, Pop Culture | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

One house, in need of a renter.

Posted on October 31, 2011 by Erika

Our house in Charlotte, NC, is still for rent. I can only imagine that the busybody neighborhood queen is simply scaring people off, although it may be the fact that the grass hasn’t been mowed since we moved, over two months ago. Also, that the builders used cardboard might have something to do with it. But none of that detracts from the fact that the backyard is fenced and 1/3 of an acre and includes a garden with lovely fresh compost. Which apparently is attracting bugs to the garage. ARGH@#$%@#%@#$@$#@!!!!

I like our house here, but the proximity to all of our neighbors gives me claustrophobia. I have all the blinds/window treatments wide open; the neighbors can see me when I walk around naked and yet still I have a sense of being boxed in. Also, the windows open from the bottom, so if we open them, Porcelain pushes out the screens. None of this detracts from the fact that winter is rapidly approaching and I doubt we’ll be opening any windows for a while.

We do have a fireplace that I’d love to see get some action this season.

This new job for My Chemical Romance gives bonuses, but they will probably go toward paying for two houses ::facepalm::

A year ago right now I was pregnant with Porcelain, and tried to do a “free-range” Halloween (ie, let my kids go through our tiny three-street neighborhood by themselves) only to be foiled by another neighbor who called me after about 30 minutes to let me know that my kids were with her. She said it in such a way that implied I was totally neglectful but don’t worry, she could save the day! So I tromped off with my giant belly and walked around with the kids and her, and ate some candy. This year I’m sure I’ll be dragged along in another group — although this neighborhood is bigger and we have only lived here a couple months, so that’s fine with me. I might get to know more people.

My current friend count stands at two, which is cool but one of those is my next door neighbor and I’ve been friends with her since I moved in. I’ve suggested play-dates (how I loathe that word) with two other moms, but haven’t gotten much of a reception. Mary F. Poppins, Nice-Nice and I used to go to the same La Leche League meeting, and then afterwards we’d go out for lunch at Big Daddy’s (now known as Bad Daddy’s, but we call it ba-ddaddys). Occasionally we’d offer a mercy invitation to some clueless new mom who was in that phase where the only adult interaction she has is with an automated phone system. Most of the women we invited out, I liked a lot. The irony is not lost on me that right now I’D GIVE ANYTHING FOR A MERCY INVITE TO DO ANYTHING. I’d even act incredibly grateful and possibly bake you cookies and listen to you blather about anything while nodding and smiling at appropriate times. In fact, you might not even like me because I’d reek of desperation for friends. The truth is, I’m just lonely. I have awesome friends who are hours away, My Chemical Romance thinks that this is THE PLACE we may actually put down roots, and I’m lonely.

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I hate wine.

Posted on September 25, 2011 by Erika

 

And I love my Jugs.

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Dear Lost Facebook Fan

Posted on September 23, 2011 by Erika

Once upon a time, I had 48 Facebook fans. Mostly they were comprised of Jugs, Jugs-husbands and various moms from a local Mommies Network site, where my blog link in my signature. I was very proud that 48 people “liked” my blog. And then recently I saw that I’m down to 47. I realized that someone has abandoned ship. So here is my letter to her (I assume it’s a her):

Dear Lost Facebook Fan,

Come back to me! Please! I beg you!  It has come to my attention that you no longer “like” my page, and I’m very confused about this. You see, I am made of awesome. No, really. The Pioneer Woman may be a better writer, Dooce may take better photographs, Momastary may be more spiritual and The Bloggess may swear more, but I MAILED A DEAD FISH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SUMMER. The only blog that I think may come close to mine in terms of awesome is Rants from Mommyland, but there’s (at least) two writers on that site, and they often invite guest bloggers (of which I’ve been one).

You see, Lost Facebook Fan, I’m a writer. Since we moved away from Charlotte, I have felt disoriented and bereft. I am away from my Jugs. I am away from all my other friends — my local friends, my homeschool friends, my birth-y friends, my crunchy mommy friends — and away from all the familiar places like Zack’s Hamburgers and Big Daddy’s (which feels my loss so keenly, it actually changed names, to Bad Daddy’s). My Chemical Romance’s new work schedule is o’dark-thirty in the morning til dark o’clock at night, plus I’ve found that I have to actually teach my children when I claim that I’m homeschooling them. Raleigh is rife and pulsing — with mosquitoes, that is, and my entire family is covered in bites to prove it. Including my BABY.  Things are fubar, yo.

 

 

In the midst of all this unhappy self-discovery, I realized that I’m a writer. I’ve been writing since I was young and I’ll keep writing, even if it’s only on a blog that 47 people like. I can call myself anything I want — lately Animal and Mineral have been retorting, when I ask them to do something, “Who do you think you are, the Queen of England?” and then laughing maniacally until I pointed out that there actually IS a Queen of England and she does NOT command her children to wash dishes and do laundry – and I’m calling myself a writer.

Writing in my journal and writing — even just online, even on Facebook to my friends — has kept me a little more sane in the month since we moved. Recently I’ve forced my kids to start writing in a journal every morning before we officially start homeschooling for the day so that I can spend 15 minutes on Facebook without being interrupted they can learn to write freely and daily.

I’ve been keeping a perpetual calendar since Jan 1 — first entry: “My Chemical Romance to ER at 2AM for stomach flu” — and even just a sentence every day helps. (By the way, that January 1 entry was the beginning of The Sick that all Jugs and most Jugs-husbands and Jugs-children got; it was a terrible flu that has even made Wii consider getting a flu shot this year.) I took some time off from the calendar when we moved, but I went back and filled in the blanks where I could.

So you see, Lost Facebook Fan, as a writer, I’m shocked — SHOCKED, I SAY! — that you no longer “like” my blog. I actually like my blog more now than when I began it. I like it so much, I’m considering getting my own domain so that I can claim it. I think my writing has improved, I think my editing is getting better and I think… did I mention I’m made of awesome?

I’d highly suggest you return, otherwise you may miss out on the story of how my newest local friend here almost didn’t befriend me — all because the first time we met, Animal pulled a knife on a kid at the park. I mean, come on! I can’t be the only mom whose 8yo is running around threatening small children with his Cub-Scout-issued pocket knife that My Chemical Romance swore was developmentally appropriate for him, right?

PS: If, however, you have left because the new Facebook sucks, I understand completely. Facebook, I wish I could quit you.

Filed under: friends, writing | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »

The Pros and Cons of European Friends

Posted on September 20, 2011 by Erika

Two of my Jugs are European. Here are there pros and cons of being friends with them:

PRO:

Europeans are ridiculously cool and chic and better than Americans and they have free health care and college. That two Europeans have befriended me makes me ridiculously cool and chic and better than all the other Americans who they haven’t befriended. Also, I have health care and I went to college.

CON:

They’re kind of stupid about American words like “bathing suit” and “effusive” and “surreptitious” and playing American games like dominoes. When playing Scrabble-like games, they try to sneak in words like “ain,” and will argue vociferously (Mary F. Poppins: that means “vehemently”) that a 17th century Celtic dialect version of a word should count, dammit.

PRO:

They have a world-view as opposed to just a narrow-minded “how does this affect ME” point of view. They often speak multiple languages. They are very kind to people and socially conscious.

CON:

They complain about the stereotypes Americans have about Europeans (like, that they’re cool and chic?) and claim not to live up to them. For the record, both Euro-Jugs have nice teeth.

PRO:

Trip to a water park and no time to groom yourself? NO PROBLEM, you’ll fit right in.

CON:

When you mention how awesome and amazing Duke’s Mayonaise is, they will exchange an eye-roll of European superiority — apparently homemade mayo is all the rage over there — and they think that Hershey’s chocolate tastes bitter.

Filed under: friends | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

How to Make Friends

Posted on June 30, 2011 by Erika

Making friends is a lot easier when you’re in school or working; you have a built-in network from which to choose your peeps. Making friends as a stay-at-home mom isn’t quite so simple, but I’ve managed to do it, and do it well (if I can say so myself; my friends are freaking AWESOME and AMAZING, and I think it speaks highly of me that they’re my friends).

When I lived in Arizona, my BFF was Angela. We met at a MOMS Club get-together and bonded over our large families (both of which included then-2yo twins), messy houses, and love of Grey’s Anatomy. We were the only somewhat-crunchy moms in Yuma, Arizona. I am not exaggerating.  I literally never saw a cloth diaper until I bought one online and it arrived at my house, and I remember the first time I saw a mom wearing her baby in an Ergo because I’d never seen anything like it before. I chased her down and asked her all about it. She was not a local mom (duh, because Angela and I would have known her) but was stopping at a restaurant in Yuma while traveling between Phoenix and San Diego.

When we moved here — thank gawd, after almost three torturous years — I vowed I would find crunchy friends. I knew that in a big city I could suss out the granola from the Count Chocula and be discerning.

Although Charlotte has a large homeschooling community, I am not friends with many homeschool moms. As I’ve mentioned, they bring the crazy like never before — recently there was a discussion on a Yahoo homeschooling group started by a woman who objected to a post about homeschool yoga class because it’s a Buddhist tradition and therefore it’s the devil’s exercise. She preferred posts about camp to “teaching your child to give testimony for Jesus Christ as a war against the many many evils in this world (like yoga).” Again, not exaggerating.

Most of my friends are birth related — they’re natural birth supporters either personally or professionally or both.

I met them by being totally NOT discerning, and saying yes to everything. At least, everything crunchy.

La Leche League? YES.

A local screening of The Business of Being Born? DEFINITELY.

Trying out for “Birth” by Karen Brody after learning about it at the local screening of The Business of Being Born? ABSOLUTELY.

Attending monthly Holistic Moms Night Out at various restaurants that served food I hate because I don’t really enjoy “ethnic” food where “ethnic” means “includes spices more intense in flavor than a teensy bit of sea salt”? SURE!

Local doula group meetings? CERTAINLY.

I learned this tactic from my mom. When my dad first asked my mom on a date, a million and a half years ago, she wasn’t very excited. She told her friends that she was going out on a date with him. Her friends said — and I’m paraphrasing — a collective, “meh.” To which my mom shrugged and said, “It’s better than nothing.”

Eating food I hated? Listening to moms whose husbands insist they nurse using a cover? Being onstage? These were all things I didn’t enjoy (other than being on stage. I liked the attention.) But it was better than sitting home with My Chemical Romance, wishing I had friends.

I knew, I just knew, my friends were out there, and I’d probably find them if I just looked around.

So, get off your computer — although reading my blog is an excellent choice if you’re going to sit in front of the computer and be anti-social — and go to the babywearers meeting and make friends! Or the Overeaters Anonymous meeting, or the Weight-Loss Surgery Support Group, or the Moms of Multiples meeting — all places I’ve made friends. Go find your people.

Filed under: friends | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »

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