Becoming a nurse

Here’s something you probably don’t know about me: after I graduated from college with a bachelor’s degree in psychology, I planned to re-enroll in another school to get my associate’s degree in nursing and become a RN.

Instead, I got pregnant with Animal and Mineral.

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Mineral making taco meat.

Then, I planned to stay home until they were in preschool, then go to school for my ADN at that time, since I was a single mom who needed to support all of us.

Instead, I met My Chemical Romance and he supported us while I took on the more traditional role of homemaker — and had more babies.

Later I became a birth doula, which I loved, and after that I apprenticed with a midwife. However, finding a balance between my family and doing birth work was nearly impossible. I felt miserable after a while. Birth work is mostly on-call, middle-of-the-night stuff, and then there’s the come-down after a rough birth, or the high after a great one — there’s nearly always birth hangover. It’s really difficult to be an effective wife and mom, a birth worker and in school for birth work simultaneously.

Meanwhile, as a mom, I wiped butts, changed diapers, cleaned wounds — and I have always loved “gross stuff,” especially blood and fluids. I think our bodies are amazing, all the shit they produce (literally)!

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Someone needed stitches recently, while I was on vacation.

Nursing has stayed in the back of my mind since 2001. I don’t want to say, oh, I just want to help sick people. Instead, I’ll put it like this: there are people who need help doing basic health care stuff, and I want to be someone who can provide health care.

Right now, the only room for nursing that I have in my life is to become a CNA, a certified nursing assistant. I will learn to do very basic health care tasks, things that a RN might not have time to do because she’s administering meds and checking labs and taking vitals. Getting an ADN will take about two years, full-time, which I can’t commit to at this time in my life. But I can commit to a CNA class at the local community college, in which I’ll learn specific tasks, and then take an exam at the end of the semester. When I pass, I’ll be able to get work as a CNA, either in a hospital or privately.

So that is my current plan. I start my CNA class in August.

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A Vacation a Year in the Making #vacation

Spring Break 2013! Time to make up for Spring Break 1998, when I got some tattoos!

These

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Became these

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The Me + D was to finally fix an old tatt that had an old boyfriend’s initials in it. Yeah. Back when I was a teenager, I did that.

The jug is in honor of my mostly-Charlotte girl friends, my Jugs. (“Mostly Charlotte” because Mary F Poppins is in Oregon and Stitches moved to Fort Mill recently. Miss Manners has always been in Fort Mill.) Although I am beginning to make friends in The Country, I have a long history with my Jugs.

For those who are curious, the term Jugs refers to the fact that we’ve all lactated — no, autocorrect, I don’t mean lacerated! — with many of us nursing our kids for very long periods of time. I’m at 2.5 years with Cousin It, but half of Jugs have nursed for over three years, at least one for four years.

Our other name is Game Night, which is how Jugs began, with three of us getting together to play blokus and gin, but that doesn’t roll off the tongue so easily!

So, a year ago, for my 33rd birthday — an auspicious event because my birth dad didn’t make it past 33 — my parents gave me money to SPEND ON MYSELF. I decided I wanted to take a trip with Miss Manners and any/all Jugs who could go with us. YOUNG KIDS ARE VERY INCONVENIENT FOR PLANNING VACATIONS, so we weren’t sure who else could make it. It ended up Miss Manners, Prom Queen and me. Here are some highlights: eating! Go Ape ropes course! Colonial Williamsburg! Busch Gardens! Khaos Ink Tattoos!

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My view from the backseat of a convertible

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Colonial Williamsburg

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Busch Gardens

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Climbing the ropes course

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Flowers

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Pedicures

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We’re in a tree

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I’m really in a tree

We had a fantastic time, and we’re already planning next year’s trip.

Benefits of Country Living #countryliving

1. No line at the DMV. I took the kids there because it was on the way home from somewhere and I was done in 10 minutes, including the 3-min stop in the bathroom to pee and then put on lipstick.

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2. People are, in general, really nice. A lady behind me in line at Kohl’s gave me a 30% off coupon. Dude. Those are sacred!

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3. Parking is free. Clearly I’m a jaded city-dweller, because that pleases me endlessly.

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4. I don’t have to use google maps very much. There is one route from my house to go south, and another to go north. Both routes include driving past multiple horse farms and over train tracks. There are no streetlights and it’s dark at night! There’s also another route to Harris Teeter, my home away from home.

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5. Finding a part time job shouldn’t be too difficult. After all, the pool of applicants is pretty limited, and thankfully I have some customer service experience.

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*** In San Diego, at the DMV, you make an appointment. Then you show up on time and wait. ***

Country Living #countryliving #moving #unpacking

So we moved to a giant house in a tiny little village, right near a small retirement/golf resort town in North Carolina.

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The move itself was kind of hellish: Apparently, the moving company and I didn’t adequately communicate about the amount of crap important household items we have, and it took the movers 12 hours to load and unload everything. It rained the entire time they were unloading.

Also, they couldn’t fit everything in their truckS (!!!) so the next day My Chemical Romance had to rent a uhaul and return to our old house, then come back. He paid some Craigslist people to help him load up and I wish we had done that from the beginning, because the movers were so awful.

Moral of the story: have a moving company come to your house and give you a quote before promising they can do a job for a low price :X

But we live in paradise now. On a golf course! On almost two acres!

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Unlike in Cary, our neighbors are all older, retired folks. But I think they’ll get a kick out of a young family in the ‘hood.

One neighbor brought us homemade oatmeal raisin cookies. Another neighbor helped unload the 125 gal fish tank. And another neighbor brought us a case of Kleenex.

Um…? It is kind of pollen-y here.

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This was in the garage.

The family who owns the house left us lots of furniture and other items, like a weed wacker and kitchen chairs and plenty of extra light bulbs.

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The house is so big. I love it! I seriously feel like I’m living in a castle. I still have to figure out my hacks — the house is a little quirky, like it doesn’t have a garbage disposal and the kitchen pantry is small. But I think we’ll love it here.

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Especially when I get done unpacking!

What I’ll miss about Cary #cary #moving

My kids have had amazing neighborhood friends here.

The Informant’s first bff was our next door neighbor. They met the day we moved in, and were inseparable until she moved away.

Then, into the same house moved yet another girl about the same age! How lucky is that?!?! And a boy a little older than Animal and Mineral! And teenaged siblings who babysat regularly!

And a mom who helped me pack up this house AND took me to the hospital for two of my kidney surgeries. I’ve never had better neighbors.

Directly behind us was a boy about the same age as Animal and Mineral, who had a sister the same age as My Masterpiece. The two little girls together were adorable!

On that same street was another boy, a couple years older than Animal and Mineral, who I adored because he was polite and helpful.

I have told my kids that my first priority (after unpacking) is finding friends for all of us. Our new house is on two acres, so their new friends may not be quite as close by distance. But I recognize how important having good friends is, so we’ll make an effort.

What we did all week

It’s spring in North Carolina! Suddenly it’s 80*. We went to the park

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I got a pic of all five kids (in chronological order, no less!)

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We went to free cone day at Ben and Jerry’s.

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My friend Lady Beaver came to Raleigh, and we took all the kids to Marbles

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Also to the history museum *** this was totally legal, based on the sign***

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Everyone was killed by a cannon

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But back to the giant canoe

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Then my friend’s daughter met Splash and Summer

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The day was awesome til Cousin It decided to wash her hair while I was in the bathroom

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Screaming ensued, ending our day like many.

Thursday I ignored all things Paleo so we could celebrate National Grilled Cheese Day with this recipe for Sage Fontina Grilled Cheese.

This weekend we’re packing!

The #Kidney that Keeps on Giving #kidneystone

I’m sorry I’m so boring, y’all. Lately it’s all kidney/moving/mom has breast cancer/repeat. It goes like this:

I have blockage of unknown origin in my right kidney.

We’re moving to the country.

My mom is doing well, healing from breast cancer.

Today is ALL ABOUT MY KIDNEY SURGERIES
Subtitle: In which I detail my entire ordeal like an old lady trawling for attention. Feel free to skip this section.

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1. (11mm stone) Stent without string, to allow urine to pass and hopefully move stone down through ureters to bladder.

2. Electroshock wave lithotripsy. On a mobile electroshock wave lithotripsy truck (only in the South, y’all).

3. Laser lithotripsy and ureteroscope, plus stent with string.

4. Ureteroscope plus stent with string.

And in between I’ve had several MRI, X-rays and ultrasound. And the stents removed — before they inevitably get placed again.

My mom (did I mention she’s healing well from breast cancer? She is!) thinks the kidney doctor sucks. My friend Stitches, who is a RN, agrees — he’s being very surgery-oriented and only treating the symptoms, rather than determining why I have a (recurring? Idiopathic?) kidney blockage.

I agree that he treats only the symptoms — but every time he goes inside my ureters and bladder and kidney, he scopes it to look around. He gets X-rays and ultrasound. And the symptoms are the most pressing issue — until I’m pain-free and can pee freely, I can’t be tested for any of the (myriad) causes.

Here’s what I’ve learned

1. Stents are an amazing tool. You can’t pee, and you get a stent and VOILA, YOU CAN PEE (which helps because they pump you full of fluids while you’re getting the stent).

2. If you can choose, get the stent with the string. Yes, I’m kind of a walking disaster (which is why my first stent was string-free; kidney doc was concerned I’d inadvertently pull it out while on vacation. Miss Manners said, “If anyone could have a stent-related accident while traveling to visit their breast cancer-stricken mother, it would be you,” to which I replied, Touché!) Removal is easier that way.

3. Drink water. Lots and lots of water!

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She still nurses, by the way. Honey Badger Don’t Care that mom’s kidney hurts.

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